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OFFICIAL SCRIPT OF THE BEST-SELLING VIDEOGAME: "The Island of Infinite Treasures"
CHAPTER 1: Introduction
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(Intro music begins. A genderless gray humanoid suddenly appears in front of the player.)
Gray Humanoid: "Are you male or female?"
Player: "Male."
(The humanoid turns into a stunningly beautiful girl with blond hair.)
Girl: "Welcome to The Island of Infinite Treasures. As an NPC whose only purpose in life is to serve you as a loyal servant, I am thrilled to announce that you are the only hero in this universe who can save every one of us from acting out the most tragic-looking cinematic cutscene you will ever be able to watch in this game."
(Wind blows dramatically.)
Girl: "Since you are a gamer who was brave enough to squander a significant amount of money for a mere piece of entertainment, I am sure that you are not a fan of long intellectual conversations. So please let me skip all the subtle narratives and jump right into the most immediately fascinating part."
(Flashback begins. The girl frantically shakes her head in order to demonstrate the game's realistic hair physics.)
Girl: "Once upon a time..."
(A caption appears at the bottom of the screen. The girl hurriedly snatches it and dumps every one of its alphabets in a nearby recycling bin.)
Girl: "Oh, I'm sorry. I know you hate reading because you are a gamer. Please let me continue."
(The girl frantically shakes her head again, this time with a sparkling visual effect. The screen fades out and starts to display a dark mountain.)