(How to become a politician)
1. Win the heart of your audience by constantly mentioning that they are perfect in every aspect, and that it is always "somebody else's fault" whenever a bad thing happens.
2. Do not describe any of the issues in detail. Always speak in vague words which do not mean anything in particular, yet never fail to cuddle your listeners with uplifting sensations.
3. Never let your audience know that you do not have a solid plan. Pretend that buzzwords and catchy slogans are all we need to fix complex problems which, in reality, require the intellect of one which far exceeds that of the average voter to solve.
4. Never overestimate the intelligence of your average listener. Always appeal to the lowest common denominator in order to maximize your public recognition. Remember - two idiots cast more votes than one decent thinker.
5. Repeatedly broadcast the most obvious and generic phases in front of as many people as possible. Brand yourself as an all-embracing philanthropist by presenting yourself as the most agreeable person.