Alien Job Interview
Chapter 6: A Brief Ancient History
(PERSONAL NOTE)
After a month of ghosting which was intended to make the alien desperate enough to accept any level of salary we were going to offer, we invited him yet again for the next job interview. One of the IT executives placed a 3D puzzle toy on the floor of the room prior to the interview, in order to see if the candidate was creative enough to find and solve it without being told to do so. When Airl entered the room, he picked it up and put it into the trash can.
(OFFICIAL TRANSCRIPT OF INTERVIEW)
Me: "What kind of value do you think you can bring to our company?"
Airl: "Before you can understand my value, you must first understand the nature of software development. Coding is not an activity which involves intelligence. The so-called "development framework" is nothing more than a heap of arbitrary rules devised to make it extra challenging for newcomers and discourage them from climbing up the corporate ladder, and the amount of work done by each code monkey is measured by its ability to interpolate its head between a pair of mutually contradictory design ideas that came out of the same guy's head.
"When I was living in San Francisco, I was a full-time employee of the Old Empire. The Old Empire is a tech giant in Silicon Valley which has its own campus stadium filled with transparent fridges and salad bars. Only IS-BEs (Introverted and Sensitive BEings) are allowed to be part of the Old Empire's development team.
"Whenever a new IS-BE enters the territory of the Old Empire, it automatically gets trapped by a special installment called the "micromanagement force screen". This powerful device puts the IS-BE into an invisible soul prison made out of a golden cubicle, in which it receives an electric shock that is millions of volts high. This shock permanently erases all personal dreams, passion, and beliefs of the IS-BE, and puts it into a "brainwashing" process during which the Old Empire's prison system injects a series of technical guidelines and code of conduct directly into the IS-BE's soul."