Alien Job Interview
Chapter 2: My First Interview With The Alien
(PERSONAL NOTE)
Over night, before my first job interview with the alien, our office space had been transformed into a dark room filled with cheap beer cans and gaming PCs. There were a dozen men working on setting up sci-fi themed LED lights, and the CEO who coordinated this whole process to make sure that we give the alien an impression that we are an innovative startup company.
I was informed that a group of IT executives were to review my interview after each meeting, for the purpose of assisting with my efforts to communicate with the alien.
(OFFICIAL TRANSCRIPT OF INTERVIEW)
Me: "Tell me about yourself."
Airl: "I am a digital nomad, inventor, and engineer;"
Me: "Since you are a digital nomad, do you enjoy travelling abroad?"
Airl: "No, I am a digital nomad in cyberspace. I travel from website to website;"
Me: "Do you have any special environmental needs, such as unlimited supply of healthy vegan meals, open lounge with fluffy cushions and fake grass for creative social engagement, or weekly athletic activity with coworkers?"
Airl: "No, I am a coder with no life;"
Me: "Are you going to need PTO or work-life balance?"
Airl: "I have no life to balance;"
Me: "How do you programmers communicate with one another?"
Airl: "We do not communicate;"
Me: "How do you work as a team, if you do not communicate?"
Airl: "We do not work as a team; We just echo whatever our manager is currently up to;"
(PERSONAL NOTE)
At this point, I asked Airl to give me a break and exited the interview room to talk to the IT executives. When they realized how little progress I made during this first part of the interview, they were deeply agitated and started to demand that I should have asked Airl if he is okay to work as an intern instead of a regular contractor. I told them that, since the alien was socially awkward and possessed near zero ability to interact like a human, it would be unrealistic to expect a meaningful answer from him (aka "Yes") unless I knew at least one of his weaknesses I could exploit.